Note how the collector sets that phrase up by using the conjunction, and. The use of the “and” isn’t a mistake. It’s a sneaky little psychological trick, because it sets up the phrases on either side of that “and” as equivalencies.
In other words, “you ought to have some integrity” is now, in this conversation, equated firmly with “paying your bills.” And the reverse conclusion – “if you don’t pay your bills, you have no integrity” – is exactly what that collection agent has been trained to produce in you, the debtor on the other end of the telephone.
Sneaky, yes. Objectively untrue, sure – there are lots of examples of ways in which a person can have plenty of personal integrity and yet not be able to pay his bills – but for the rest of that conversation, and long after, the hounded debtor will internalize that sense of shame. And that’s exactly what the debt collector intended all along.
The Real Source of Shame?
What is the real source of shame for the millions of Americans struggling with a crushing mountain of credit card debt, underwater mortgage payments, the skyrocketing cost of living, and past-due medical bills?
Is it – or rather, should it be – not being able to pay your bills?
I don’t think so. In an economy like ours still is (yes, the news is that it’s improving, but for the vast majority of us, the relief hasn’t yet trickled down to make anything significantly better), it’s hardly surprising that so many consumers are struggling.
And if it’s not surprising, then how can it be shameful?
We are all of us stressed to varying degrees by the outside forces that make up our economy. The overwhelming majority of clients I see in my office who inquire about filing for bankruptcy did not get placed in this position by their own actions, but by disappearing jobs, sudden medical emergencies, and so forth.
How is there any shame in being one of millions placed under increasing financial stress by a nationally shaky economic picture? Why should there be any shame in recognizing that you have done all you can do on your own, and that for the sake of your family, you need some relief? As I often say to my clients – “are you better off and is our community better off if you struggle for years to pay credit card companies that have built bankruptcy losses into their business models, or are we all better off if you regain peace of mind, plan for your retirement, educate your kids and rejoin the economy as a consumer.”
Whether to file for bankruptcy is an intensely personal decision. It absolutely should be made only after careful consideration of all factors – legal, financial, moral, spiritual, psychological, and practical. And it should be one of the last options you explore – after renegotiating credit card balances and rates, attempting a workout schedule with your mortgage lender, and other steps you can take on your own.
But if you have explored those options, and the situation hasn’t improved sufficiently to allow you to rebuild your life, filing for bankruptcy should never be a source of shame. It should be seen as a legitimate financial tool – because you are doing what you have to do to get back on track, to stop a decline into severe poverty and welfare.
If you’re not sure whether bankruptcy is the right step for you, please feel welcome to call my office. We can help strip away the collection industry manipulations so you can clearly decide on the best options for you and your family.